"Family"

Family is defined as "a group of people related to each other," but as humans, we often include non-realatives in that category. Friends, co-workers, and family of significant others all fall in that category to some of us. When I think of family, I think of people who are good to me, people who would go to the end of the road with me, metaphorically speaking. Unfortunately, I was born into a crappy family. I grew up blessed with many material things, but the trade off waa a vain mother, a father who would rather not be a father, sisters who are self absorbed and very impressionable, and extended family who are very good at hiding their emotions and judging others. I am definitely a black sheep. I'm a liberal atheist, and my family are all conservative Christians. I wish religion and politics were the only thing that divided us, but that would be too easy. 

My mother has more daddy issues than you could possibly imagine. Her father was a drunk and her mother remarried four times, twice to to same man. My mom has only had her looks to get by on, as she is uneducated and will bend over backwarda for men. For example, when I was 12, my mother was with a man who was a sex crazed, manipulative, con man who convinced her to send me to a school in Mexico run by non-licensed "teachers" who stole from me, starved me, molested me, and attempted to brainwash me with scary "seminars". I still have nightmares about this place I resided in for almost 2 years. I was also placed on heavy, endocrine system altering sedatives that made me gain an incredible amount of weight and made my high school years miserable. I was misdiagnosed with a mental illness I did not have at her hands, and for 11 years, my life was fundamentally destroyed by these drugs. The medications I was prescribed were so expensive that insurance didn't cover them and my mom couldn't afford a full month worth, so I was taking them once per week, which made me an emotional roller-coaster. My ups and downs were so dramatic that I couldn't keep a job or friends, and school became a joke for me. I'm surprised I didn't commit suicide, honestly, because I was to that point many times. 

My dad was born into a wealthy family. He has worked maybe a couple of years in his whole life. He was a trust fund baby, so money was his whole life. He was also an undiagnosed paranoid schizophrenic with borderline personality disorder and a hankering for blondes, so his loyalty to my mom was short lived. Their divorce was especially difficult for me when I was 7, as their marriage was so superficial, my sister and I had no idea there were problems. Instead of seeing a therapist to help cope with their divorce, I was quickly diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder without even speaking to someone; my mom saw I  lashed out at my sister and her and took it upon herself to get someone to prescribe me Depakote, which caused more problems than you could possibly imagine. As a 13 year old, I was on 2000 MG per day, was overweight, socially awkward, depressed, and a zombie, all at the same time. My father quietly disagreed with her but did nothing to prevent any of this. My sister and I were in the middle of their messy divorce, with me receiving the brunt of it. I was manipulated by both my mom and dad; I was given presents and doted in, and was finally swayed to choose my mom, which I think my dad always held against me.  My dad and I had an awkward relationship until I was 16, when I stole $40 from him and he disowned me. To him, money was far more important than his daughter. I haven't spoken to him in 12 years.

My sister and I have had many ups and downs. She's two years younger than me and has always been the silent observer of all the chaos around us. We've had moments of closeness,  but our relationship has mostly been stained with jealously and anger. She always wanted to be a mom, so she gave up her dream as a nurse and quickly married and had a baby. Her life as a housewife suits her now, and although she claimed atheism until she was 20, at 21 she was a full blown Mormon with nothing but judgements  and faux purity.

My extended family is worse. My maternal grandmother is incredibly vain and self absorbed, and has not only been an awful mother to my mom, but a bad grandmother as well . She cared more about her image as an aging woman than she did being a grandmother. She was actually embarrassed to be called Grandma in public. She had a daughter when she was in her 40s (who is actually just under two years older than me), who is just as vain and self absorbed as she is. I was constantly compared to my "aunt" who was skinnier and definitely more popular than I ever was. My family's motto has always been just to "suck it up" and as an emotional teenager on high dose psychotics, I was outcasted and gossiped about.

Obviously this is an extremely shortened version of my familial issues, but I felt it just needed to be shared. I often am made to feel like I'm being dramatic and I need to get over the past, but it has shaped me to be who I am today.  Would you tell a rape victim or a veteran to "just get over it"? No. PTSD is PTSD. Obviously my story is not as bad as many people have it; I grew up with clothes, food, and a roof over my head. I was taken to the dentist and doctor and went to private schools. I was also made to feel fat every day, dismissed for being emotional, and ignored by psychiatrists and my own parents for the inner turmoil I felt daily. 

I know I have family; I have a few close friends and a husband who would love me to the ends of the earth, and we don't have the same blood running through our veins. I think Webster should reevaluate the definition of family, because the people we share DNA with aren't always the ones who are there for us.